As part of my recovery from being sexually abused as a child, I participated in several group therapy sessions.Most of the group sessions were me and a bunch of women.I realized that I had the same emotions as these women and struggled with them in vary similar ways.This was news to me.
As a child being sexually and physically abused, I developed survival skills.I became adept at disassociation, internalizing, disappearing, isolating, and taking it if all else failed.These survival skills were my defenses.They allowed me to stay alive and, more importantly, they protected something within me that wanted to be a good person, that wanted to be a good father, and that wanted to be someone that mattered.
It’s only in the last few years where I’ve overcome my fears and started speaking out.Silence is what abusers want and they often get it with fear and shame.Abusers have a talent for making the abuse seem to be the fault of the abused.
The dream kept a spark alive in me.Baseball was my salvation; it gave me a place to escape the rest of my life.While I lived in constant fear, on the baseball field and in my baseball dream, I was not alone, I was not worthless; I mattered and people cared about me.